McKinley High is all Greased up for the big contrived high school musical. The show, no matter how unlikely, brings home recent alums: Rachel, Kurt, and Santana back to Ohio for the performance. So should Glee graduate from high school altogether? I seem to care the most for the character we love or love to hate.
So if you’re hopeless devoted, here is what you missed
Kitty began her mean girl campaign against Marley by taking in her Grease costumes 2 inches and proceeds to convince the poor thing that she was on the path to looking like her enormous but sweet mother. So if you’re sitting there crying eating Twinkies and potato chips, you can relate. (So sad about Hostess, I am shattered.) Marley and her mom bust out a Jenny Craig moment and embark on a diet instead of her mother saying you’re beautiful the way you are and by the way, you’re wafer thin. It’s time for a good ole fashion curler and cold cream party; oh yes in deedy – a sleepover for Grease‘s female cast members.
Kitty thoughtfully suggests using bulimia as a solution to Marley’s imaginary weight problems. Give us two fingers and we’ll take off the weight. But just when Marley began to try to make herself vomit, Ryder stepped in and convinced her that he didn’t want to kiss a girl (onstage or off) with upchuck on her breath. Please, that’s the difference from a northern boy and a southern boy. A southern boy expects a little vomit breath from time to time. Can you please hold my hair? Bluaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
Marley’s got her groove back, but she’s also made Jake Puckerman a bit on the jealous side guy.
Despite the Sue-sters real objections, Principal Figgins signed-off on Schue’s absurd plan for Finn to take over as an unpaid advisor of New Directions while he goes for the “Blue Ribbon Panel ” in DC. The Principal is more worried over budget than a quality of education. Who needs credentials.
After refusing Finn’s apology for last week’s for dropping the “r-bomb,” Sue then tried to sabotage the Grease rehearsals, but Finn takes us to the tire shop for a serving of “Greased Pig Lightning.”
Unique’s parents pulled the plug on her big dream to play Rizzo; the big reason is a concern about safety. Sounds more like their own self-image rather than the ones expressed by their son. Many performers are, shall we say, Unique. When it comes to talent, she is high pumps way taller than most. They forgot the first rule – to believe in your kids. Encourage their talent and celebrate their differences. It is even harder for transgendered kids. So instead of hearing the absolutely amazing Unique, we see the return of Santana, who is Rizzo, so no big acting there.
Kurt and Blaine, meanwhile, suffer the same sad fate when Kurt rips into Blaine for cheating, revealing it didn’t matter if he didn’t care about the other guy. Will someone please get me some cheese to go along with his whining. It’s simple although Blaine changed schools to be with Kirk; Dorothy is not in Kansas anymore. He has moved on…way on and Blaine was so last season.
Back in the Big Apple, Rachel scored an audition for an avant-garde off-Broadway production of The Glass Menagerie, but once again enraged Cassandra July by suggesting she “get back in the game” as if she was gone. Wow, the nerve. When Kurt pleaded with Rachel to go back to Lima as a show of support for exes Blaine and Finn’s Grease production, Cassandra offered her frequent flier miles, then immediately screwed Brody. Cassandra called and has a chin wag with Rachel, now cue Rachel’s tears. Finn discovers that Rachel’s Niagara falls flowing stream is not for him.
So now lets talk music, The Top winners are as follows:
GLEE – Full Performance of You’re The One I Want, by the Glee Cast. It had a nice homage to Finn and Rachel of the past with Kurt saying honey. Very cute.
GLEE – Full Performance of Beauty School Drop Out, Once again, it was staged superbly but Blaine was a bit lackluster. I enjoyed him singing but I know the character is supposed to be off his game and if that was the script’s strategy, it was true to life. Frenchie was perfect.
GLEE – Full Performance of “Look At Me, I’m Sandra Dee” (Kitty) This was a cute little number that looks very similar to the original.
GLEE – Full Performance of “Look At Me, I’m Sandra Dee” (Marley) The slower version of the song, the sweet-so-sandy melody. Like a virgin mix. It was also sweet.
GLEE – Full Performance of “Grease Lightning” This was staged well in Burt’s tire store and reflects the movie. The words were softened for a Fox market; it was fun.
GLEE – Full Performance of “There Are Worse Things I Could Do” This by far was my favorite. It had real emotion between the characters who were singing. It was not contrived nor a parody of the original. Not to ride on the Unique boat too long, but she added just the right amount of heart. It was by far the best song of the night – at least to me.
Bye-bye Mr. Schue Bye-bye — at least till after Sectionals! We will miss you.
And now for the week’s best zingers:
- Number 6 “If I catch you hiding your dinky between your legs and parading around like Silence of the Lambs, you’re out.” –Kitty, issuing a pre-sleepover warning to Unique.
- Number 5 “I’m living off of Ambien and The Notebook.” –Kurt, describing his post-breakup blues.
- Number 4 “Most little boys don’t want to dress as Shirley Hemphill for Halloween. It’s just so specific.” – Unique’s dad, discussing how he’d understood his son’s gender confusion from an early age.
- Number 3 “I had a couple of notes, but they were small.” –Rachel, complimenting Finn’s directorial debut.
- Number 2 “That’s my first-place trophy for Most Tongues Spoken at Bible Camp, and this is [a picture of] Mr. Jojo. I rode him for six years — until he broke my hymen.” –Kitty, giving Marley a tour of her room.
- Number 1 “You blew off your play date with the hottest piece of ass at NYADA to go visit your loser ex-boyfriend!” – Cassandra, serving Rachel a cold bitch plate lunch.
Your turn! Was “Glease” the one that you wanted? What would you have done different if you were Finns co-director? We want to hear from you.
Follow @tvfishbowl for your Television, Movie, Celebrity, Pop Culture, and Gossip scoop— TVFishBowl (@TVFishBowl) April 9, 2013