2012 on Fox

Written by Lou Ceffer on November 16, 2012 in Glee

GLEE WIZ

Glee Weekly Recap Episode: The Role You were Born To Play Air-date 11/08/2012 on Fox

Lima Loser

So after the Glee clubs big win at nationals and graduation has come and gone, real life in rural Ohio has somehow caught up for Finn. Like many high school personalities, Finn is surrounded by the glamour and excitement of Burt’s tire store where he is currently in the staring role of an employee.

In rolls Artie to share in Finn’s awakening moment and realization that yes he is a total loser. Well, not a total loser at least he is employed.

Artie won’t stop believing in Finn. He is perhaps his one true friend. So like the old days of Mickey Rooney and Judy Garland when there is a problem the solution is lets do a show. Artie invites Finn to be his co-director. Its only natural since after all, Grease was Finn’s idea. Actually Grease was the brain child of Allan Carr (May 27, 1937 – June 29, 1999).

After Arties jester, Finn enjoys another sip from the cup of self-pity and shrugs the idea off. Artie’s big plan is to hold up the entire show if Finn doesn’t join the Greasers as co-director. I am not sure his threat has much merit. He might have had just as much luck holding his breath until Finn turned blue. This storyline is nothing more than a feeble attempt to keep his character still in High School. I was in glee club and popular but once high school ended; I was singing more adult tunes.

Look At Me I’m Mr. B, Lousy With No Sympathy.

Its musical time and the long awaited Grease auditions slip have now been posted in the hall. Sam is at the bulletin board along with Blaine, who just so happens to be beside him, wondering if their rank as Student Council President and Vice-President gives them any sort of cart blanch for the juicy lead parts like Sandy and Danny. Blaine is also conflicted (again) and not sure he will audition. He is thinking about Kurt who dumped him after Blaine foolishly admitted sleeping around. Really. Now when you’re a young testosterone-filled teenage boy, gay or straight or even bi, you think about three things and three things only: getting laid, wanting to get laid, and trying to figure out how to get laid. For some, there is a fourth – why am I not getting laid? Kurt won’t speak to him, and returned his peace offering of the Gilmore Girls box set unopened. Nothing says sorry for the infidelity like the Gilmore Girls. Now why won’t Kirk really forgive Blaine? Maybe Blaine doesn’t suck in bed or perhaps he has small aspirations. Sam tells Blaine to get over it, as with time his heartbreak will go away. In true Glee style it is time now for a song “Hopelessly Devoted to You,” as Blaine pathetically sings his way down the hallway, through Kurt’s scrapbook, on the bleachers, passing by the football team’s practice session, and on for his big note climax to the auditorium stage now auditioning for Artie and Finn. They love his performance, (go figure) and suggest the role of Danny Zuko. But Blaine breaks down (again) and while in tears he tells them he can’t play the lead in a love story while he feels so heartbroken. What ever happened to the show must go on. I can assure you Kirk would take the lead and sing out Louise. Blaine suggests he could muster up enough stamina to play Teen Angel. You know Teen Angel sings Beauty School Drop Out. It was played by teen heartthrob and beach blanket Bingo lover Frankie Avalon in the movie.

Finn, still in self-denial is convinced the idea of him directing is a bad one, and it is; he has the personality of a wet mop. In true director style, Finn just up and leaves. They must be running a sale at the tire store. I think I saw the ad in the paper. Buy one tire set get a slushy for free. Artie rolls after him and tells Finn to just trust him. Artie continues with he has surround himself with the most talented assistants possible, Now lets step back a moment and say that again, the most talented assistants possible, in a high school, in rule Ohio. Right. That’s like saying we are performing at Swingo’s celebrity Motor Lodge and Trailer Park and hope it sounds impressive. One retiree ticket agent is standing by.

Beiste Lightning

Emma and Will are having counseling with no other than Coach Beiste. Will has the attitude that men know best and leave it to me but really he wants to make a real difference. He is feeling a bit on the empty side. He keeps interrupting Emma. She barely finishes a thought which I am sure was part of the strategy. Coach Beiste gives them advice as only a Beiste can do in sports metaphors. Now unless you’re a jock or have played with enough jocks you might not get the reference and Emma doesn’t but Will on the other hand might have just picked up enough to run with it. He understands it was a mistake to assume she would join him. Although she said in a past episode that if he did in fact get the job they would address the problem together. Now for a romantic moment: Will gets down on one knee and asks Emma if she would at least consider coming to DC. She says she’ll do it. She had better get her priorities together. I can be packed and ready Freddie in no time. So can many of the fans. Will is a keeper. She will need a lot of wet wipes in DC, I can tell you that. So super hero Coach Beiste, the savior of the modern couple has triumphed yet again.

Next, the musical creative staff in the choir room meets and Mercedes points out that they have plenty of choices for the role of Hurricane Sandy. She thinks Danny is going to be a bit of a challenge. Finding a good Danny always is.

What the Puck

Finn can’t understand why they can’t find a dude to play the lead. Oh how many times have I said that line. Miss Mercedes reminds him that back in the early days no male, including Puck, wanted to sing in the Glee Club. Finn goes out onto the football field during practice to ask Coach Beiste if she thinks there are any guys on the team who might have the right stuff. Doesn’t anyone see the absurdity of asking the Beiste musical theatre advice? Has she secretly added Steven Sondheim songs to the football teams work out regime?

Let’s talk about the new kid, the possible new soon-to-be heartthrob-Ryder. He’s a sophomore who transferred from another school aka the winner of the most recent season of The Glee Project. His character suffers from ADHD. ADHD is a genuine disorder with debate in the scientific community centering mainly around how it is diagnosed and treated.

Stalling for Time

We find Marley in the next scene, in the restroom applying her best Max factor imitation of life. Not So Unique, in boy drag, exits a stall. Marley is, naturally, trying out for the role of Sandy. Unique isn’t going to audition, because she’s certain the directors will never give her the role she wants, the hard-nosed but loveable captain of the pink ladies Rizzo. Marley, happy and chirpy as always, tells to Unique “oh My God, like just audition ok and tell the directors the role is yours ok.” And that’s when Sue flushes the toilet and leaves her memorial stall. Doing her best imitation of a concentration camp counselor she’s hurls insults and nicknames towards Unique, ”Tina Stomach Turner,” and “Urethra Franklin,” are just two to name a few. Still, Sue has not yet come up with a nickname for Marley, eventually settling on “absolutely stunning, kind-faced, blue-eyed girl.” Sue doesn’t think Unique should be allowed to play a female character and she makes it her cruel mission to ensure that opportunity will never happen. Does Sue’s bullying make Marley and Unique more determined? Talent is a powerful weapon. When Unique gets going, she is fierce. It’s song time again and the two audition together in rocker type outfits sing Pink’s “Blow Me One Last Kiss.” It starts out in the hallway (as many of the songs do), but then they go to the stage. The judges which now includes, Miss Mercedes, Mike, Artie, and Finn loved the performance and Artie asks them what roles they want? As we know, they’re going for Sandy and Rizzo.

Finn’s contract gets a Ryder

Later, Finn tries to recruit Ryder… for the big show! Ryder is hard at work studying because his grades are suffering. He needs to get a B-average or his parents will make him quit football. Finn tells a recruiting lie that Glee Club will make him a better student, get him better grades make his breath fresher. Finn was recruited by Will in just the same way. It is a McKinley tradition. Ryder is unconvinced a musical number will be the answer to his attention deficit. You know he is going to burst out into song any minute.

Auditorium Artie and Finn enter the stage, and we see three different juke boxes. Artie tells him that a director’s job is making choices. So, he tell Finn to choose the right juke box for the cast to use for the musical. Of course, it is the wrong one. But Artie is sure he’ll get it with three more tries. They might have to recruit some stagehands from special ed. Artie leaves and Ryder enters. He’s decided he’s willing to try anything to improve his grades. I have seen porn with the same plotline. He’s tells Finn that there is no way he is singing. Finn opens and fesses up that he used to feel the same way until he actually tried singing and then he found out it felt awesome, “like after polishing the dolphin.” Finn plugs in one of the machines and sets it to play Foreigner’s, “jukebox Hero”. Now this is a problem for me. This Jukebox plays nothing but preselected instrumental selections for the cast to sing to. It must be a karaoke machine.

Well, Finn starts singing and then Ryder joins in. (I told ya). When the number has finally concluded, Honey Ryder asks Finn if he should audition for the school’s big musical and Finn tell him he just did. (Like we didn’t see that coming.). A yawning plotline but what are you going to do.

Ryder approaches Marley at her locker and introduces himself. She is instantly hot for him. Why? Well, that was one part of the prize package for winning the Glee project. Jake is playing baby stalker from his own locker. Kitty (The New Quinn) approaches Jake and accuses him of being extremely jealous. She is just pissed he dumped her. Miss Kitty Cat is up to mischief and purrs over Ryder and gives Marley a hairball. While Kitty is targeting yet another male prize package she is also planning her big audition break by staring in the lead role of Sandy. That will put Marley’s nose out of joint. She is confident she is the next Sandy. Kitty starts throwing vile insults towards Marley’s mother’s and her expanding waistline. That strategy backfires, as Ryder has no tolerance for anyone who insults Marley’s mother-the supplier of the Italian drug, homemade meatballs. A man’s heart is through the stomach don’t you know.

Who Doesn’t Want More Kitty?

Kitty signs up for an audition slot and Jake signs up too. (so many surprise twists this episode…ah not) He says he’s decided he should be around to keep Kitty from killing Marley, but Kitty knows that the real reason is so that he can keep an eye on Marley and Jake. A plot boiler or simmer, ok someone put a match to it……. or me. Time for a musical interlude with the two of them auditioning with Neon Trees’ “Everybody Talks”

The judges are pleased with the extremely rehearsed performances, but Marley is not a happy camper. Back in the Music room, Artie, Finn, Mercedes, and Mike are there to make some casting decisions. I am sure this was hard -just read the script already and pretend to be surprised. We also get the exposition bomb that Tina hasn’t auditioned, since she refuses to be in the same room as Mike. Artie’s a little resistant to casting Unique as Rizzo, but he gives in to Finn out of respect. (yea right) You also needing a sue fix me too. Sue appears and summons the Finnster to the Maharishi’s office.

There Are Worse Thing I could Do

Sue is trying to get Principal Figgins to not allow Unique to be able to audition for the part of Rizzo. But the Principal doesn’t quite get that Unique is well very Unique. He calls Unique a brick house. Sue thinks that it’s wrong to put Unique in danger of public opinion. It is a well-known tradition in Ohio to have the population riot together, march to the castle with torches blazing, and burn the monster. Those wacky red states.

Finn, in the vain of the Lima Loser, puts his mouth into motion before his brain was in gear by referring to Sue’s baby as “retarded.” So now her hatred of him will get personal. He immediately recognizes this was a stupid move even for him and quickly apologizes, but it is way too late. Sue doesn’t really care – IT IS WORLD WAR SUE.

Now we visit Emma’s office, as Coach Beiste enters only to find Emma doing the super freak. You know how nasty D.C. rental space can be and she is beside herself. She is almost drinking hand sanitizer. Coach Beiste tells Emma that she knows women and could see that Emma doesn’t really want to move. to DC. Coach Beiste tells her that she’d better find something to do in DC that will excite her or she’s just going to resent Will. How could she not be excited there is so much dirt to clean up and that is just in the congress.

Mike approaches Tina and accuses her of avoiding him. He’s upset that she’s letting it stand in the way of being in the musical, but she refuses to change her mind. Move this tired story line along.

CHEESE IS THE WORD

This time, all of New Directions are in the audience. Mercedes tells the four candidates for Sandy and Danny that they’ve selected a song for them. Oh goodie, now they will have a chance to show their Greasey dance moves. The judges also want to see them in different combinations just like a real audition. The judges are looking for a connection, one with the music, one with the audience, as well as the character. So Mercedes and Mike make an announcement to just follow their lead and she starts singing “Hand Jive.” It is always been a timeless classic train wreck. Mercedes sings and Mike dances and then the four candidates join in. At the end of the song, a bunch of cast members join in the dance. In the Library, the mighty Finn finds Unique (in high boy drag). Finn says he needs to tell her something. Unique thinks this is it, the proverbial “you were the bomb gurl,” but we just can’t have you explode on stage and I mean we just can’t. (Start singing maybe next time). You know the story; it never changes, but wait! Finn is there to offer Unique the role. Unique gets a little dragklempt, and Finn asks what’s wrong. Well, Unique spills her insides: “I don’t feel right in the men’s locker room, but I can’t go into the girl’s. And I don’t feel right in men’s clothing, but I can’t wear dresses every day. It sucks to never know your place. It’s just nice for once to feel like I’ve found one.” Finn is happy he too has found his path if only temporary.

The time has come to post the cast list for the big show. We end up with a

Cast as listed:

Marley landed the coveted role of Sandy

Ryder is Danny, another bonus for his big win

Unique is Rizzo and why not.

Sam is Kenickie; ok, I can live with that

Brit-Brit is Cha-Cha;

Tina is Jan, How did that happen when she didn’t even audition,

Sugar Motta is Frenchy, our beauty school drop out.

and Kitty is Patty Simcox. In the words of Kitty, Who in the hell is Patty Simcox.? Kitty blames her failure on God’s will, and then Jake in that order,

Will enters to find Finn hard at work trying to figure out how to make a car fly on stage. Yes, that is the time old question so many high school play directors have had over the years, how do I solve the problem of flying cars on stage especially when the cars are made out of chicken wire, Kleenex, and crate paper? The answer is you just pretend. It is called acting.

Will tells Finn that he and Principal Figgins has decided the best way to keep Finn at McKinley High is to make Finn Will’s assistant and coach the New Directions. Finn is to be in charge while Will is away. No need for any certifications, teacher’s credentials or any sort of community college. Finn did ride the Matterhorn multiple times at 6 flags over Mid-America. Doesn’t that count for something? After all, this is the same Finn that shot himself in the leg while cleaning his gun. I just hope the writers haven’t just done the same thing just to get an honorable discharge.