I Don’t Recall Booty Dialing You – RHOA “Unmoved” Recap

Kim

Oh, Kim. The house Kim just moved into went from her dream home to the crazy haunted mansion. Kim says that she can’t wait to get out, but waits until the last minute to move out – to the point where they will be evicted and charged late fees. What?? Kim spent the first three episodes saying how she was going to stay in the house until she’s evicted. She got her wish.

Kim was appalled at the $100,000 price tag for moving – did she go with that moving company? If so, I would expect the move to be like magic – disappear from the house, appear in the storage unit. I wouldn’t be sitting around the house watching them – that’s what I’m paying for, peace of mind.

 Is it just me or is it odd that someone who can afford a house that costs $10K a month can’t find another place to live? Does Kim even believe what she’s saying anymore?

Besides this move, the only time Kim is mentioned is about her avoiding attending or remaining at events. It’s obvious she’s not interested in being there anymore. There are rumors that she’s getting her own show – which have been circulating for about six months now. Besides complaining, what would the show be about?

Kandi

Kandi is also moving – willingly – to her new spot. She was supposed to move into this property with her mom, but ends up moving in with her new beau, Todd. Joyce seems to be happier that Kandi has a great new man than her inability to move in with her daughter. Great for both of them.

Phaedra

Why oh why must you do everything over the top? Basically everyone got up to go to the barber shop for daddy to cut his hair. Did they pay the barber for use of the chair for the time? Oh, and did you know that Apollo was a master barber?  How old is Apollo?  He spent over 5 years in jail, convicted of racketeering and theft, had a job as a master barber, in asset recovery and now is a personal trainer. He has to be at least 40, right?

BTW, Ayden is just too cute! I know if I was in that group, I’d be saying “I’m sleepy” all the time too.

Phaedra invites Dwight again to plan an event for a baby. A drumline and a train for an aquarium party? Really, Phaedra? Not only is it over the top, it’s not creative. Creative would be to make the theme fit – not just throw a bunch of things together and call it planning. If Dwight wasn’t Phaedra’s friend, I doubt she would’ve been pleased to pay for that type of planning.

I just hate Dwight as the announcer for this child’s party. Even the short announcements are boring as heck. For that kind of money, it didn’t include a professional? Or what someone from the aquarium? At least they were reasonable to only have two cakes at the party instead of 12. It’s becoming apparent that Phaedra just likes to flaunt her money, with no semblance of reason or purpose, just to be able to say she did it/spent it.

Everybody knows… “Those who can, do. Those who can’t, dream. And the others just hate.” No, Phaedra some people just don’t feel that spending $20K on a 2 year old birthday party is worthwhile. Easy to dismiss those who disagree as haters.

Porsha

Porsha says that she doesn’t have to lift a finger, so she’s choosing to cook. Good for her. But to burn the biscuits – again – is a bit much. Better than Kenya pretending to cook. Porsha and Kordell are trying to figure out the difference between Miss America and Miss USA. LOL! Neither one understands how it works. They shouldn’t feel bad – most people don’t. Porsha says that she introduced Kenya at the charity event to make her feel important. Is Porsha making a dig? Now, I think you should know the bios of your personally invited guests, but if it’s a small dinner of important people, unless everyone is  introduced, no one should be. Of course, Kenya said she was the only important one there, right? Did she even take the time to talk to any of them and find out?

We meet Porsha’s sister, Lauren, who looks just like her at the rock climbing place. Highly competitive Porsha wusses out on the wall climb and her sister beats her hands down.

Kenya                                                                                                                                                                                                  

We find out that Walter is the Martin Luther King of towing. Congratulations! But Kenya throws shade by saying he’s not a celebrity or has a glamorous career, and tries to minimalize it by saying he still impressive because he’s successful at what he does. She’s more excited to tell us about her family’s successes than Walter’s. Kenya is completely uninterested in this conversation. She picks at her food while Walter describes their meeting and courtship. Kenya’s aunt asks Kenya to clarify her feelings and she ultimately believes that Walter didn’t really court her. A month is not a courtship.

Walter makes it apparently clear that he’s not in love with Kenya. After two years of dating after 40 years old, you should know, right? Walter handles himself well, but Kenya seems uneasy about his answers. Like every scene with Walter, Kenya and Walter don’t see eye to eye.

Kenya “prepares” dinner for Walter – in the microwave from a package, purposefully dirtying a pot to hide the evidence. She “made” a salad by pouring it from a container into a bowl and adding dressing. For someone who claims she can really cook, is she saying that her food tastes like prepackaged food from Trader Joe’s? Don’t get me wrong, I love Trader Joe’s for quick and easy meals, but they don’t taste like home cooking.

Damn, those crickets are LOUD! The more she talks, the louder they get.

Walter stops dead in his track when she mentions that she’s trying to be wifey. As she talks about how she wants to get married and have a baby yesterday, Walter tenses up. This conversation was definitely more uncomfortable than the one she had with Porsha. I just don’t understand how after two years of dating, this all seems new to Walter. He doesn’t seem ready to commit, at least not to her. Doesn’t she see that?

Cynthia

Cynthia and Nene sit down for lunch to gossip about everyone. Only a couple of episodes after the fact, we find out the title of the women’s only success event – “Let Your Success Flow”. Nene talks about Kim’s excuse-making. Kim’s excuses to avoid events are becoming the theme of the episode.

Next, they move on to a voicemail where Phaedra clearly says that she doesn’t give a f*** about Cynthia not attending Ayden’s birthday event. Nene points out that this is great because now she knows where Phaedra is coming from. But Cynthia decides to call Phaedra out on it.

When Cynthia sits with Phaedra to discuss the butt dial voicemail, some people were expecting Phaedra to woman up and admit that she said it. People who believe Phaedra to only be out for Phaedra knew that she would avoid it like the plague and she did. Somehow, she was able to segue it into talking about a bump on her breast – as if Cynthia would just forget the subject at hand. Cynthia let it go because she realized she wouldn’t get anywhere with someone who would lie when confronted with the truth. But we’ve seen this before – with Phaedra’s pregnancy. I guess to be a Southern Belle, you must lie at all costs.

Nene

Nene wasn’t much in this episode – coining the classic line – “I guess there is a disadvantage to having a big ass, because now they are dialing phones.” Too funny!

On the next episode:

Phaedra and Apollo meet Kenya and Walter but Phaedra raises some eyebrows when Kenya flirts with Apollo.

April is a housewife who is a superfan of all of the Real Housewives’ series. She regularly blogs at 100lbcountdown.com, about becoming a housewife and losing weight after having her recent child. She can be found on Twitter @100LBC.

Tags: Bravo TV, Cynthia Bailey, Kandi Burruss, Kenya Moore, Kim Zolciak Biermann, NeNe Leakes, Phaedra Parks, Real Housewives of Atlanta, RHOA