I didn’t intend on writing another review for Vanderpump Rules, but as you’ll quickly see, this is MY OPINION and not my typical review. My opinion does not reflect that of TVFishbowl; it’s all mine. 
If by chance, you finish this entire article, I’ve got a fun quiz for you at the very end! Aren’t you excited?
Ugh, so where do I begin? I have not been feeling this show. Monday night, I was talking with some friends & they felt the same. The thing is, I couldn’t put my finger on exactly what it was that was turning me off. Then it occurred to me: I didn’t sign up for “The Stassi Schroeder Show”!! The name! ”Vanderpump Rules” <—- who thought of that?? It’s wrong. It should be: “Stassi Rules” because 4 episodes in & that’s all I’ve seen. The tagline was “Don’t Cross the Boss.” Wrong again. It should be “Don’t Cross the Boss UNLESS You’re Stassi Schroeder!”
The sad thing is, this could have been a great show! It had so much potential, almost everybody I know was looking forward to it for months. I know the cast of Vanderpump Rules is a very close-knit group & they’re very protective of her… they are true friends! Take Kristen, Tom, Katie, Tom, Jax, Scheana & Mike….that would have been a good cast for a reality show. But No, Stassi had to be in it. Why? Is it because she’s Pandora’s BFF? What on earth can she & sweet Pandora possibly have in common? Stassi may be a great columnist for The Divine Addiction, but I assure you, that’s because her toxic poison-spewing mouth is edited.
Stassi gets suspended from work for not showing up & it conveniently fits in perfectly with her Vegas bash. (Kinda like suspended a student for ditching school. That’s exactly what they want!) I don’t blame Lisa for that, perhaps her only other choice would have been to reassign her as dishwasher for a week. <—The applause would’ve been heard world-wide!
Stassi breaks up with Jax & is with Frank the NEXT day?? (Tom gives timeline on Bravo’s website) And remember, this was BEFORE she “heard” about Jax supposedly knocking some chick up. (3 years ago, Frank, not 2…good try, though) Wasn’t it Stassi calling Scheana the whore just a few weeks ago?? Pot meet kettle. (FTR, I don’t think Scheana was/is a whore)
It seems the producers put all their eggs in 1 basket: Stassi. Every single episode is about STASSI!!! (Hey, Evolution Media, how would you like a carp shoved down your throat week after week? Fun?? Didn’t think so) Did they think we were going to like a spoiled rotten bitchy Cruella DeVille-type creature that does nothing but whines, complains, and acts completely inappropriate & unprofessional… did they really think we’d like that?? If so, then I suggest they read Twitter comments during the show…sure, viewership went up this show (people love a fight), but actually READ what people are saying.
The only person Stassi has more positive tweets than is Frank, and he has about 5…I know because he RT’s them. I assure you, BravoTV, the majority of tweets about Stassi are not positive. (Don’t let Frank’s follower #’s fool you; at the beginning of the show he followed LOTS of people, when we followed back, he unfolllowed us), Don’t blame him though, this is his grab at 15 minutes of fame, except it’s more like 7 minutes max.
Quick recap of Vegas: Stassi has treated everybody like shit but tries to act all princessy. *barf* She’s called her “best friends”: idiots, selfish, assholes, terrible friends, and let’s not forget: a fucking pussy. She pulls Katie’s hair, throws drinks on at least two of them, tells them they’ve made her depressed, and wants nothing to do with them. 1 question: Can YOU feel the love tonight??
As if all of the above wasn’t bad enough, she sends Kristen a pic of her having brunch with her “friends.” HAHAHA That’s a joke! Wanna know why? Do you remember at the beginning of the show, in Stassi’s talking head-shot, she said, “I have to pick the friends that I like the most & tell them 1st and they ask off and the people I really don’t want at my birthday, I just invite them later and Lisa says no. <insert princessy smirk>
So, the hypocritical birthday girl is at her “Sunday” party with the second wave of “friends” she “really doesn’t want at her birthday.” That is so beyond fucked up! I bet the Princess didn’t have the cojones to tell them why they were told “no” by Lisa. These “friends” (that obviously care about her, but it’s not returned kids, sorry), drove over 5 hours each way for Stassi – but they were really her rejects. Think about it!
Do you remember when she also said, “I’ve never been sooo happy to see “this group” of people in my entire life!” (That’s because she had never been happy to see them before…don’t forget, she didn’t want them there!) Are you wondering what she thinks of “this group of friends”? Well, as she told Kristen and Katie, “They don’t know anything; they just listen.” Now that sounds like friends custom-made for Stassi.
Lisa, Lisa, Lisa – you kept telling us not to judge Stassi so soon and to give her a chance… until when? When does the show STOP being about her & start being about YOUR restaurant which YOU run? I know the favoritism hasn’t ended, but does it at least ever look like it on the show?
I do intend on watching the remainder of the season because of all the cast except for Stassi. People have been telling me it’s scripted, these are actors, but the cast has told me it’s not and they’re not. For now on, I’m going to watch as though it is scripted & they are actors… just for shits n giggles. Okay…ready for the quiz?
On Monday night, Stassi RT’d something a tweeter said was the “2013 line of the year,” that being, when Katie told Stassi Frank just wants to get in her pants, Stassi said, “A lot of people do.” <— Yes, that is the line she RT’d as best line of 2013. So, I’ve made a multiple choice below for Best Line of Monday’s Show – there’s no right or wrong answer, you can pick all or none…doesn’t matter. But play along so we can have our favorite line, k?
- What Stassi RT’d – “A lot of people do.”
- Jax to Frank: “Frank, suck my Cock”
- When Stassi said, “Now, everyone say, “Hail Princess Stassi!” and the entire limo said, “NO!”
- Katie to Stassi: “You’re with people that are blowing smoke up your ass!”
- Jax to Frank (pt. 2): “Enjoy tasting my dick.” (Implying Frank had sex with Stassi shortly after Jax did)
- Kristen to Katie about Stassi’s 2nd wave of friends: “They’re free-loading assholes sucking her asshole.”
I know they’re pretty crude, but it is what it is. If you watched it, then you’ve already heard it.
Until next week…maybe
You can follow me on Twitter @janesinsane
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— TVFishBowl (@TVFishBowl) April 9, 2013
Great review lol I am going with number 2 haha
okay Jane. We learned that Stassi is BFF with Pandora. So maybe that is why its the Stassi show. I remember when RHBH ended and someone reported that Lisa’s show wasn’t going to happen. Remember that? Just pointing that out.
I made it to episode 2. Wonder what the ratings are. The show is HEAVILY scripted
I told Lisa in a twitlonger maybe I could watch if I were 22. Hell even some if the guys are in my age range. I’m 34.
I think this show could of been a hit if they would of focused on (something like the restaurant ) everyday workings of running a restaurant in LA & not who’s sleeping with who. Makes them seem like a bunch of wh***. Right? Not appealing. Bless you Jane for recapping this. I’m very upset for Lisa. I really like her. It pissed me off that Adrienne tried to put Jackpot in a competition with Giggy then the whole insult chef shenanigans.
For your poll.
Hmm. First I can’t believe Stassi would RT that.
Being ur one of my Boo’s on twitter (LOL) I pick #6 b/c they would be doing that since Stassi is BFF w/ Pandora!
I’m curious, did Lisa reply to you?
Kathy, thanks for reading & commenting. #2 was 1 of those priceless moments! LOVED that Jax said that.
Miss Amia, I agree about the show, I thought it was gonna be SO different than it is. I want more Lisa & NO Stassi! Lisa has said that Stassi is her favorite (I think those were her words) & I’m sure that has something to do with why she’s on the show. But the center of attention?? PUHLEEZ!
Okay, your age – Jax is 33 and Peter, have you seen Peter? OMG I’m guessing he’s in mid to late 30s- he is to die for! HOT!
Okay, my votes for best lines are: 2, 3, 4 & 6. (I said you could vote for as many as you want)
Excellent review, well written and I agree with everything you wrote about the show! Best lines are: 3, 4 & 6
Jane! I loved your review great job and well said! Stassi thinks she’s entitled she’s just a spoiled brat and her attitude makes her ugly! I vote on number 3 hilarious!!
Loved your review! I’m picking #3
Awww, thank you ladies for answering the quiz! <3
Dee, thanks for reading – seems like so many I follow on Twitter feel exactly the same way. That had a lot to do with why I felt so compelled to write more of an op-ed than usual review. This was lots more fun, too!
I'm glad she had Kristen there with her. IMO, Stassi doesn't deserve either of them as friends & I agree, her personality does make her ugly.
Mel, Yay, you voted! LOL It was SO funny when they all said NO. My heart broke for Katie, she was so distraught & hurt.
Stephanie, Thank you! #3 is getting LOTS of votes! I had so many fav lines, Stassi's RT was NOT 1 of them. Who the hell would brag about that? This show could have been fantastic…I wanna know whose fault it is that Stassi is the central figure – they screwed up BIGTIME.
I have to say, all these lines are truly classless and disgusting!
MissFabulous, I totally agree with you. If this show took the angle of the inner workings of the restaurant, and not an extended adolescent trashy soap opera, I would be much more inclined to watch. I only watched the first two episodes and was very turned off.
Honnie Badger, thanks for reading & commenting, but c’mon – choices #3 & #4 aren’t that bad…please vote.
I vote #2. My fav part of that episode is when Jax and company took off in her limo! I am so sick of Stassi!
For you, Jane, I will! I pick number 3, the Limo Incident!
awww, thanks for voting!!
You are very welcome, my lady!
I love how entire statement had to be bleeped out & was printed on screen. He says hi to everyone, happy birthday to the wench, and then ‘that’ to frank. lol that was priceless!
thanks for reading & voting!!
I enjoyed reading. Stated everything I had been thinking-especially about her “friends” she really didn’t want there! Wonder how they feel about their good friend Stassi now…
I know! I felt so bad for them, especially since she spelled it out. I doubt she regrets anything-don’t think she has a conscience.
Love it! Great recap. I Feel the same as you about the show. disappointed that stassi is the center of all the attention. Wanted & expected more Vpump. I pick line #6.
Anddddddddddd we have a winner, well, winners – cuz it’s a tie.
In 1st place are #s 3 (limo incident…priceless!) and # 4 (Kristen to Katie about 2nd wave of friends).
In 3rd place would be # 2 (Jax tells Frank to well…you know)
4th place is # 4 (Katie to Stassi-actually 1 of my favs cuz Katie was SO hurt that weekend; I felt really bad for her)
There’s a tie for last, but I’m gonna go ahead & give # 5 an honorary vote, so that makes it 5th place (Jax to Frank about enjoying…)
And in LAST place was Stassi’s RT about people wanting to get in her pants…you just know she’s SO proud of that. #whaddaskank
Thank you ALL for reading, commenting & voting. This was fun! If there are decent lines tonight maybe we’ll do this again
Sorry Jane, I am late but that doesn’t mean I enjoy your review any less. I still love your approach of how you dissect the show. I had to laugh myself silly at the sheer arrogance of Stassi with her “doesn’t everyone” to getting in her pants. Princess Stassi is so stuck on herself she can’t see that the insult of Frank is the point not how attractive she is to men.
Then I would say I have to go with 3 and 5. I was so tickled when the entire entourage in the limo vetoed calling her princess. Of course that pales to the limo actually leaving her behind.
And Jax is so right to razz Frank about getting his sloppy seconds. Stassi is having revenge sex which is okay if that is your thing but then at least pick a really hot guy who would have an impact not an idiot with no credibility. Maybe Jax needs to recommend Dr. Matlock to Stassi so she can emulate Brandi Glanville and get her vaginal rejuvenation, lol.